In Colorado, there have been a lot of wild fires this year and our trusted fire men and women have been working on overtime to put them out.
This SPARKED the question (pun intended)…
How do we put out fires??
Well, the first step is identifying the cause. If the arsonist keeps lighting fires, it is going to be very hard to put them out.
The second step in putting out fires is removing any potential fuel that might increase the flame.
In parenting, sometimes it can feel like putting out one fire after another.
Here are some tools for putting out fires in your relationship with your children:
1. Identify the belief behind the behavior
Children do not misbehave because they are manipulative or want to hurt you. Most of the time, misbehaviors are signal fires that stem from a child trying to figure out how to belong and not knowing how to express their feelings and needs in a manner that can be received. Look for the coded message behind misbehavior by observing any patterns in when the misbehavior occurs and asking yourself, what is my child’s need that he or she is trying to express?
2. Remove potential fuel by being aware of your own body language
Observe your own body language and notice whether you may unintentionally be feeding oxygen to the flame. If you are feeling the heat, lovingly find ways to cool the flame by going for a walk with your child or stepping away and taking some deep breaths before returning to the conversation. Make sure if you step away that you ensure your child that you are stepping away to meet your needs and not because you are rejecting them. This will help model self-care while also letting them know that you love them even when they are upset.
