When I became a parent, one of the biggest challenges I didn’t expect was the just how difficult weaning would be…
There is a lot of pressure on moms to breast feed their children and it isn’t always an easy task
It is natural for there to be mixed feelings around weaning. Some may feel sadness for the loss of intimacy during mealtime. Others may feel relief at no longer having to plan their schedule around pumping. There may be guilt or shame over the timing a family chooses to wean and the circumstances that brought it about such as a busy work schedule, a desire for more freedom, a low milk supply, teething, or simply societal pressures. Some children may fight weaning and seek to continue bottle or breast feeding as long as possible which may contribute to parental feelings of anxiety, guilt, or shame. Additionally, hormonal changes that occur during weaning may contribute to feelings of depression or anxiety.
True confession…when I started weaning I did exactly what you are not supposed to do! I tried to push food on my baby by trying to distract him and putting food in his mouth whenever he was laughing or crying during mealtime.
**Yes, even though I am a Clinical Psychologist and have knowledge about child development in addition to teaching parenting classes for years…I MAKE MISTAKES
Are you with me?
Welcome to the Human Race!
Why is this not a great idea?
Forcing food takes away what little autonomy a baby has and can lead to meal time not being a positive experience. Babies may start to refuse to try new foods and seek to only drink a bottle or breast feed.
The good news is that we don’t have to be perfect parents. We only have to be good enough. There is always opportunity for repair.
So… what should I have done?
Ideally, it is helpful to introduce foods during family meals to make trying new foods exciting. There are several methods of weaning out there including baby-led weaning and spoon feeding. There is no perfect solution, so find what works for your family. If the baby refuses a food…STOP, and try again later or with a different food.
How did I repair?
I let my son play with his food! Yes, you heard me right. I set purees out and let him finger paint his food all over until it became fun again. I didn’t stop there though. I then slowly re-introduced the spoon or food pouch and he steadily began to eat more. He is still a picky eater, but I am pretty sure he will survive.
Can you relate?
Here are some suggestions for letting go of control and allowing yourself space to grieve:
1. Write in a journal about your experiences.
2. Talk to a friend, family member, or therapist you trust about your experiences and let them know how they can best support you.
3. Give yourself grace, by reminding yourself of other life transitions you have navigated successfully when you didn’t think you would make it through.
4. Create a mantra for yourself (e.g. “Let go, and let God” for any of you Christians out there). Part of parenting is knowing what you are responsible for and what you are not (e.g. you can offer your child food but you can’t make them eat).
