After having a baby, new parents often feel like they are under a microscope. Well intentioned people may offer advice or ask personal questions that can leave parents feeling incapable and contribute to the risk of postpartum depression and anxiety.
Here are some tips for what to avoid when talking to a new parent, ESPECIALLY in the first few weeks postpartum:
1. Comments about the parents postpartum body
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The body goes through significant changes during pregnancy, labor, and the postpartum period that can leave many parents feeling insecure about their appearance. Some may feel empty after the baby they have been carrying for nine months is no longer safely inside of them. They may not understand why that cute baby bump that drew so much positive attention during pregnancy is still there after the baby is born, and stretch marks may appear that are hard to get rid of.
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Instead of commenting on appearance, comment on the strength of the parent, regardless of the manner of their birth and normalize body changes encouraging grace.
2. Avoid inviting yourself for social visits
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Relatives and friends are understandably excited to meet the new bundle of joy, yet the first few days and weeks of parenthood can be understandably overwhelming. There is precious little time for sleeping, eating, and showering, nevermind social visits.
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If you plan to visit with new parents shortly after their baby is born, offer to bring a meal, help clean, or watch the baby so they can get some sleep. Do not expect to be entertained! You are there to help. Respect their wishes if they refuse your help and wish to delay your visit. Parents have differing levels of comfort with whom they accept help from and how. They may also just want some time to bond with their baby in the immediate family unit before inviting visitors.
3. Avoid bombarding new parents with requests for photos or videos
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While family and friends are often excited to see pictures and videos of the new baby, families may differ on their values regarding photo sharing. Some families can’t stop taking photos and videos of their child (guilty :P) while for other families, this may be the last priority or they may intentionally choose not to in order to limit their child’s exposure to electronics.
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Trust parents to share photos and videos if, when, and how they choose as a family. Some parents may choose to keep photos of their child private, so never post photos you take or receive online or share with others unless you first obtain permission from the parents.
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Let the parents lead when it comes to video calls. Remember, for most new parents, getting a shower and getting dressed for the day may be a huge win. Don’t expect them to be camera ready when you are.
