For many, Holidays are a time of joy and sharing family memories. This is not the case for many who experienced trauma or loss in their families.
While you cannot change the past, there is hope to change your relationship to the past.
Here are some strategies to help you re-write your holiday traditions:
1. If you lost someone you love that has been a part of your holiday traditions in the past, consider continuing to include them in your holiday (e.g. setting a seat for them at your table or cooking a favorite food of theirs).
2. If you don’t have fond memories of the holidays because they were chaotic times of abuse or neglect in the past, consider creating new traditions with safe people in your life today. To start this, you may consider what you wished you had as a child and imagine giving those things to your child self. If you have a child now, you can imagine your child self engaging in the new tradition with you and your child.
3. Relationships are rarely black and white. Perhaps this year you find yourself grieving a loved one that also hurt you. You can honor this grief by considering aspects of this person that you appreciated and express gratitude for those qualities that you can live out today. If you were harmed by this person, consider working with a therapist to process this harm and maybe even make the choice to forgive them. Forgiveness does not mean condoning the behavior or even changing the boundaries you have with this person if they are still living. It simply means releasing yourself from being controlled by the pain of the past.
I hope that you find some peace this holiday season!
If this post has brought up any painful memories for you, I encourage you to seek help through psychotherapy or the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline 988.
