Many of us are familiar with the New Year being a time that we reflect on the past year and focus on our goals. For some, the goals that we have in relationships can be difficult to address because we buy into the myth that these goals “aren’t up to us” and “the other person is the one that needs to change.”
When we step into the victim role and give authority over our emotions and wellbeing to someone else, we disempower ourselves.
Setting healthy boundaries with love can help us to break this cycle and determine the next best step to take to meet our relational goals.
Healthy relationships are built off of these main pillars:
Trust
Communication
Commitment
Understanding
Compatibility
Support
Here are a few questions to ask yourself to determine whether your relationship is healthy or not:
Do you “act like yourself” when you are with this person?
Does this person check up on you or want you to say where you’ve been after you’ve been apart?
Have you ever seen this person throw, hit, or break things when angry? Has this person physically harmed you or another person in conflict?
Does this person put you down when you are out together or in private?
Has this person ever done anything that makes you feel safe?
Does this person stonewall (i.e. avoid talking to you or resolving conflict) for long periods of time?
Do you find yourself “walking on eggshells” or changing your behavior in order to please the other person?
Does this person minimize your emotions or gaslight you (i.e. place the blame on you for their behavior)?
Do you think that you may be in a toxic relationship? Here are some resources to help you work toward healthy relationships in the New Year:
Look into getting a psychotherapist to walk you through boundary setting and steps to leaving if that is what you decide
Talk to trusted friends to create a safety plan
Use the Domestic Violence Hotline 1-(800) 799-7233 or chat feature and resources on their website: https://www.thehotline.org/
call 911 in instances of imminent threat
Read the following books-
Codependent No More – by Melody Beatie
The Highly Sensitive Person’s Guide to Dealing with Toxic People- by Shahida Arabi
